Live the Life You Want
Upset without Anger
Upset without Anger
You can be upset with someone without getting angry at them. However, in today's society it seems the two go hand in hand. Too many people, when they become upset with someone, strike out in anger. They don't stop to think about opening lines of communication. They start assuming. the assumptions soon lead to anger. That anger eventually leads to confrontations.
There is nothing wrong with anger. It is a healthy emotion if it is applied properly. Usually it isn't. To become angry before checking out the situation that upset you can lead to many unpleasant things: from health issues to the loss of a friend. If approached in a positive manner, being upset can be a good thing. It can bring people closer together, rather than widening the chasm between them.
Listening is an important part of being upset. Actually hearing what the other person is saying instead of planning your next words or move. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding you weren't aware of that caused events that upset you. Calling out the big guns of anger doesn't necessarily bring this to light. IN fact, the misunderstanding could get buried due to the anger. Anger then brings about pain and suffering to both parties. If the person who was upset had chosen another path instead of anger a positive outcome could have been possible. Again, what causes the anger when a person is upset? One word: assuming.
I know a woman who is very good at assuming all the time. It usually leaves her hurt, in pain, and lonely. She didn't have any really close friends. The one real close friend she had she ended up losing. She got upset with her friend. She became angry with her. Then she made assumptions and wouldn't listen to what her friend had to say. In her mind her assumptions were right and no one, not even her friend, could tell her differently. She wasn't willing to let go of her assumptions, anger, or need to be right to listen to who she had called her best friend.
Perhaps if this woman had tried to talk to her friend she would have seen there was a misunderstanding, could have cleared it up to the agreement of both of them. She might not have lost her friend. She could have grown spiritually by learning valuable lessons from this and retained a friendship she said she valued.
If she had not needed to be right, didn't assume, and controlled her anger, she may have come out of the situation being right after all.
Whenever you let go of anger, assumptions, and the need to be right, you are then able to communicate with others. By communicating it opens the doors to seeing both sides of the coin. Both people have the opportunity to speak their perceptions instead of being expected to embrace only one person's perception. In this way a misunderstanding can be uncovered. A reasonable solution to the situation can be found. A friendship saved.
However, if you are so determined to always be right, always assume, and always using anger to resolve issues, you are not coming from the heart. You are not coming from love. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." If we truly love someone how can we treat them with anger?
As beautiful as you are most of the time, anger can wipe that beauty, kindness, and generosity away: right out the door. It can make you ugly and mean. No one wants a friend that turns on them because you don't feel good or you catch them at the wrong time. They feel they have to treat you with kid gloves and that isn't a friendship. It is a one-sided relationship. Eventually people get tired of it. When assumptions and anger raise their ugly heads, the other person feels they have had enough. They terminate the relationship which started out as a friendship. Both people have lost. In many cases, though, one person more than the other. The angered person stays angry and bitter while the actual injured party regroups and moves on. Hopefully to find friendships of respect and love.
Sometimes both parties haven't learned not to assume and get angry. Then you have two people who hurt and are bitter. They will continue to go on and treat each relationship the same. Only to have those relationships all end the same way: badly and sadly.
Look at your relationships: your friendships. Are they high maintenance? Do they take a lot of work? Are assumptions made? Does anger from or to either party arise? Do you feel taken advantage of? Do you ever discuss how you truly feel or are you walking on eggshells?
It is okay to be upset at times. It is a human trait. It is how you handle it that makes it healthy or not. It is how you handle it that determines a true friend and a healthy friendship.
Do you use anger when you are upset? Do you use love? Do you assume or do you explore perceptions? Are you a true friend or someone to be avoided?
Yes, life is full of upsets. It is how we treat those upsets and the people involved that make us someone to be avoided or a true friend.
You may use this article as long as you keep the copyright in tact.
©2007, L. Sue Durkin
Reprinted with Permission.
You can be upset with someone without getting angry at them. However, in today's society it seems the two go hand in hand. Too many people, when they become upset with someone, strike out in anger. They don't stop to think about opening lines of communication. They start assuming. the assumptions soon lead to anger. That anger eventually leads to confrontations.
There is nothing wrong with anger. It is a healthy emotion if it is applied properly. Usually it isn't. To become angry before checking out the situation that upset you can lead to many unpleasant things: from health issues to the loss of a friend. If approached in a positive manner, being upset can be a good thing. It can bring people closer together, rather than widening the chasm between them.
Listening is an important part of being upset. Actually hearing what the other person is saying instead of planning your next words or move. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding you weren't aware of that caused events that upset you. Calling out the big guns of anger doesn't necessarily bring this to light. IN fact, the misunderstanding could get buried due to the anger. Anger then brings about pain and suffering to both parties. If the person who was upset had chosen another path instead of anger a positive outcome could have been possible. Again, what causes the anger when a person is upset? One word: assuming.
I know a woman who is very good at assuming all the time. It usually leaves her hurt, in pain, and lonely. She didn't have any really close friends. The one real close friend she had she ended up losing. She got upset with her friend. She became angry with her. Then she made assumptions and wouldn't listen to what her friend had to say. In her mind her assumptions were right and no one, not even her friend, could tell her differently. She wasn't willing to let go of her assumptions, anger, or need to be right to listen to who she had called her best friend.
Perhaps if this woman had tried to talk to her friend she would have seen there was a misunderstanding, could have cleared it up to the agreement of both of them. She might not have lost her friend. She could have grown spiritually by learning valuable lessons from this and retained a friendship she said she valued.
If she had not needed to be right, didn't assume, and controlled her anger, she may have come out of the situation being right after all.
Whenever you let go of anger, assumptions, and the need to be right, you are then able to communicate with others. By communicating it opens the doors to seeing both sides of the coin. Both people have the opportunity to speak their perceptions instead of being expected to embrace only one person's perception. In this way a misunderstanding can be uncovered. A reasonable solution to the situation can be found. A friendship saved.
However, if you are so determined to always be right, always assume, and always using anger to resolve issues, you are not coming from the heart. You are not coming from love. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." If we truly love someone how can we treat them with anger?
As beautiful as you are most of the time, anger can wipe that beauty, kindness, and generosity away: right out the door. It can make you ugly and mean. No one wants a friend that turns on them because you don't feel good or you catch them at the wrong time. They feel they have to treat you with kid gloves and that isn't a friendship. It is a one-sided relationship. Eventually people get tired of it. When assumptions and anger raise their ugly heads, the other person feels they have had enough. They terminate the relationship which started out as a friendship. Both people have lost. In many cases, though, one person more than the other. The angered person stays angry and bitter while the actual injured party regroups and moves on. Hopefully to find friendships of respect and love.
Sometimes both parties haven't learned not to assume and get angry. Then you have two people who hurt and are bitter. They will continue to go on and treat each relationship the same. Only to have those relationships all end the same way: badly and sadly.
Look at your relationships: your friendships. Are they high maintenance? Do they take a lot of work? Are assumptions made? Does anger from or to either party arise? Do you feel taken advantage of? Do you ever discuss how you truly feel or are you walking on eggshells?
It is okay to be upset at times. It is a human trait. It is how you handle it that makes it healthy or not. It is how you handle it that determines a true friend and a healthy friendship.
Do you use anger when you are upset? Do you use love? Do you assume or do you explore perceptions? Are you a true friend or someone to be avoided?
Yes, life is full of upsets. It is how we treat those upsets and the people involved that make us someone to be avoided or a true friend.
You may use this article as long as you keep the copyright in tact.
©2007, L. Sue Durkin
Reprinted with Permission.
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